“Wow.
So you think I should quit modeling and become a full-time writer?”
I hear Herman exhale a laugh. I hear his strokes against the clay
become more rapid. I realize that this is the end of today’s
lecture. I sit motionless and in silence for the remainder of our
time. I wonder if some stories I scribbled in my journal can really
be called art. I wonder if they are potent enough to transform into
matter. I try to think of myself as a creator. I decide that no matter
what happens, I will go to the gym every day next week. I will wax
my legs; I will eat right, read books and take better care of myself.
Lesson Four: Awakening
I walk the hall towards Herman’s studio in giant leaps. I
feel strong. This is our last session. Today will be different
than our prior sessions, I decide. I will not be the passive student
Herman wants me to be. I read my entire journal during the week
that has passed. I decided I am a creator. I am Herman’s
equal. I have spent the prior afternoon at the library reading
on Jewish mysticism. I am equipped with the knowledge to expose
his phoniness.
I do not slow down as I reach the door. I walk right in. Herman is erect by
the sculpture stand, gently caressing my clay figure. I am startled. It looks
just like me. My gestures are imprinted in the clay. He ignores my arrival.
He is mumbling to himself those same Hebrew words “Hokhmah...
Bina...” His
hands move up the piece and reach my clay head. He then arrests his movement
and holds the clay head with one hand supporting the back of the head so it
won’t fall back as if he is holding a baby. I quickly begin removing
my clothing to assume the pose.
Once I am naked, I notice there is something inside my foot. I shake my foot,
but I still feel as if there is a condensed substance within it. I feel as
if I am a duvet cover in the shape of my body and the actual blanket
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